SWS: The Legend of Marshall Raynor
by Book-Master
Summary: CHAPTER 3 & 4 OUT NOW! LAST CHAPTER SOON! PLEASE RR!
1. Act I: Our Story Begins

Lol, this is most likely the most farfetched Starcraft idea ever.I've had in a long time. But, you know, a couple chapters of humor won't hurt.

NOTE: IF They're are any spelling errors, I will correct them at a future time, please, it there are any, do not comment on them

A story in the new series SWS(Starcraft Western Series).

Disclaimer: I do not own Starcraft, or any of the Heroes, units, or structures, that may appear in here, other then those I may create.

Copyright: This story, and all others in the series, Copyrighted 2002, by BM&S Publishing Company

[A/N Feb, 2010: Various spelling, grammar, and technical errors fixed. Any remaining ones are likely there for the sake of dialect.

And I don't care what your interpretation of my title is. If you're anywhere near a good reader or writer, you should know that a title means little. Don't complain if I use a semi-dramatic title for a parody. It just makes you look pompous.]

PLEASE R/R!!!!!!!!

###

**The Legend of Marshall Raynor**

Book-Master: _*Clears throat*_ And now we begin our play; which is called:

"The Legend of Marshall Raynor"

Raynor: Me!?

Book-Master: SHHHHHHHH. This is brought to you by Zergly Whirly. Get rid of those pesky Zerglings rudding up your gardens

Ok. Act 1: Our story begins

_*Curtain Rises, tacky western music starts playing*_

DuGalle&Stukov:  
Oh, gather round and sit a spell,  
listen to the tale that we're gonna tell.  
It's all about the rugged west,  
and one who stands above the rest!

DuGalle: Well actually he doesn't stand above all the rest in the physical sense....

Stukov: OH, you stupid frog. Stop running your mouth and sing!

Nerves of steel, he knows no fear!!!

DuGalle: He just laughs when dangers near!

DuGalle&Stukov: He's the hero of the plains, and MARSHALL RAYNOR!

That's his name!!

Raynor: Me?

Book-Master: SHHHHHHH!

Raynor: I don't want to me Marshall...

Stukov: Oh dat's ok. You probably von't even make it through da desert anyvay.

Raynor: Desert!?

_*Scene shows Raynor, Tassadar, Duke, and Zeratul, sitting in a wagon, pulled by Fenix (Remember, he's a dragoon now through the desert*_

Zaretul: Water, WATER!

Duke: Coffee, COFFEE!!!

Tassadar: It's the end I tell you! We're lost! FRIED IN THE DESERT SUN!

Raynor: Uhh, Tassadar...?

Tassadar: SCORCHED! In the searing sand! We're... _*Falls into water trough, emerging from beneath the surface a second later*_ parched, in a waterless, wasteland! We're... we're... Uh, does anyone have a towel?

Duke: Hellooooooo! IS anybody here?

Townspeople: OOOOO!!!

_*People start running past them*_

Raynor: Uh, excuse me, umm pardon me? Hello?

Zaretul: WOOOOAH there townsperson! _*stops a local with his massive form*_

Duke: We were wondering if you could tell us what's happening here.

_*Whispering*_ We're in the play you know.

Townsperson: Better you then us. RUN FOR YOU LIVES!

Townswomen: Yeah, The "Zerg Thieves" are coming to town and we're off a runnin'

Townperson2: You best do the same! they're mighty ornry!

Raynor: OH dear, perhaps we should tell the Marshall

_*Mengsk (The current Marshall) runs up*_

Mengsk: Consider yourself told! _*Shakes hand*_ Congratulations, you're now the official Marshall! _*Runs off*_

Raynor: ME? Marshall!?

Old Zealot: Yep, and whoever's Marshall has to stop them "Zerg Thieves".

Zeratul: Really? Well where does it say that?

Old Zealot: Well right here _*Hands copy of play script*_ "The Legend of Marshall Raynor", that's you.

Raynor: M-m-Me?

_*Approaching rumble*_

_*Dust clears to reveal large group of Zerglings*_

Raynor: I see lot's of Zerglings, but no thieves…

_*Zeglings split, one steps forward(NOTE: These are big zerglings)*_

Evil Bob: You don't get the picture here fellas. We're not ZERG thieves, we're zerg THIEVES. Zerglings that steal things, 'comprendo'?

Raynor, Fenix, Tassadar, Zaretul, Duke: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH...

Raynor: OH, well in that case, we'll just run along. _*starts walking away*_

Evil Bob: Hate to break it to ya chum, but we got us a little problem.

Raynor: AHhhhhhh, you do?

Evil Bob: See, that badge makes you Marshall, and "Zerg Thieves" and Marshalls don't get along. RIGHT!? And since I'm Evil Bob, the worlds meanest "Zerg Thief"...... I'm gonna have too, trounce ya.

Raynor: Trounce? Is that anything like b-b-b-bounce?

Evil Bob: NAH! Let me show ya.

_*Picks up one of his smaller henchmen, molds into a ball, bounces him a couple times and shoot him threw a hoop*_

Evil Bob: That's bounce _*Walks over to his henchmen(All but one run and hide, except a simple fool of a zergling)*_

Evil Bob: *Stuffs him into his own cowboy hat, drops him, and then jumps ontop of him and lands hard* That's TROUNCE!

Duke: Would you have to trounce him if he weren't wearing the Marshall's badge?

Evil Bob: Probably not.

Raynor: _*Tries to pull badge off*_ It's stuck!

Evil Bob: I guess it's Marshall-trouncing time _*Begins walking behind the wagon, whistling*_

Duke: I don't suppose you'd be satisfied with a hug instead?

Evil Bob: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, NAH! _*Kicks the wagon, causing it to zoom down the hill at top speed*_

_*Wagon Crashes into the Marshall's office, causing posters to go everywhere*_

Zeratul: Hmph, doesn't like hugs. How rotten can ya get? I say we stand and fight!!! We'll teach this guy a lesson!

DuGalle&Stukov:  
You got no chance to stand and fight, you better stay in bed!  
DuGalle: He'll Trounce you left!  
Stukov: He'll trounce you right!  
DuGalle&Stukov: And square dance on your head!

Raynor: Uhh, perhaps we should try to h-h-hide…

DuGalle&Stukov:  
You can try your best to hide, but 'member what we said!  
DuGalle: He'll trounce you left!  
Stukov: He'll trounce you right!  
DuGalle&Stukov: And square dance on your head!

Tassadar: Run, RUN! WE CAN RUN!!!!

DuGalle&Stukov:  
You may think that you can run, but Bob's a thorough bred!  
DuGalle: He'll trounce you left!  
Stukov: He'll trounce you right!  
DuGalle&Stukov: And square dance on your head!

Tassadar: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! _*Runs out the door screaming*_

Stukov: Hmmm, vat's da matter vit him?

DuGalle: Oh, well, obviously doesn't appreciate fine music!

* * *

Hmmmmm, my play seems to be going into whack 00, wondering what's next?

HAHAHAHAHAHA, you'll just have to keep reading. REVIEW!!!!!!1

[fixing everything in this chapter took longer than I thought. I'll keep chipping at it. I'll be reformatting all the chapters to look like this one before considering finishing the fic off at a later time.]


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two up now OO.  
  
Announcer: We'll get back to our program in a minute, but fist, let us  
  
tell you a little bit about the new "Zergy Whirly"  
  
Paid Audience: NOT AGAIN!  
  
Announcer: Eh hmm Flashes $100 bills  
  
Paid Audience: Oh, OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
  
Announcer: Yes... The new Zergy Whirly is the most advance zergling  
  
elimination unit of the day. Using advance drilling techniques, this  
  
drill like piece of hardware is guaranteed to work, and comes with  
  
a lifetime guarantee  
  
Paid Audience: OOOOOOOO, lifetime guarantee  
  
Test Subject: Gurgle hhhheeeeellllp, it's STILL CHEWING ME!!!!  
  
Announcer: Sweat drop uhhhhh,  
  
That's right, a lifetime guarantee for the buyer only.  
  
All operators are standing by.  
  
Just call 1-800-WHR-ZERG, that's 1-800-WHR-ZERG  
  
Test Subject: Gurgle Cough Cough  
  
Announcer: Sweating, uhhh, and NOW back to our regularly scheduled   
  
program!  
  
--------  
  
Tassadar running down the street  
  
Tassadar: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Get's pulled into the Saloon by Evil Bob  
  
)Inside the Saloon, Zerglings and Hydralisks play cards(  
  
Evil Bob: So, Buckaroo, might you be the proprietor of this 'stablishment?  
  
Tassadar: Why estabislihsment stablish.. uh NO no no no!  
  
Evil bob: Then you must b a friend of the Marshall.. And since I hate Marshalls throws Tassedar behind the bar  
  
Tassadar: Okiedokie boys, what.. what'll it be?  
  
Evil Bob: Creep Juice, and Banana splits all around, PRONTO!!  
  
Tassadar: Runs over and fills up mugs, slaps plates onto bars,  
  
puts ice cream, whip, sprinkles, and carrots on top  
  
Evil bob: Throws carrot off WHAT!?? Grabs Tassedar No cherry?  
  
Tassadar: Under breath"I got to get a better contract next time  
  
Uhhh. let me answer that by saying, HHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLPPPPP!  
  
)Outside(  
  
Duke: Tassadars in trouble!  
  
Tassadar,inside: Ohh, no please, oh please, BE REASONABLE!  
  
Raynor: Oh no, what do we do? Duke?  
  
Duke: You're the Marshall, Raynor, you have to give US orders  
  
Raynor: Well, then, I order you to think of something.. please  
  
Duke: think, think..think  
  
Zaratul: I GOT IT! I'll go in the front end, and keep them occupied.  
  
While Duke and Fenix go in the back end, and rescue old big foot  
  
Raynor: Oh, what do I do?  
  
Tassadar,inside: no, NOT THE WHIPPED CREAM!  
  
Zaretul: Oh, you stand here, looking Marshelly, and when we're all set,  
  
you give the signal to go.  
  
Raynor: I'll try. Go..Go?..Ha, GO!  
  
)back inside(  
  
Tassadar: on a split plate, looking like a giant spilt  
  
Evil Bob: Shoves another banana into Tassadars mouth Now, THAT'S  
  
how ya make a banana spilt! Picks up Tassadar  
  
Raynor,outside: ready, uhh, GO GO!  
  
Zaratul: Comes in HI yi yipe yo yay, I'm gonna rope ya fruit loop, if  
  
ya don't drop that big foot!  
  
Evil Bob: Whatever you say. Drops Tassadar  
  
Tassadar: Uhh, thank you.  
  
Duke: Comes in back door with Fenix Isn't this working out nicely?  
  
Both look up to see two Zerg each holding a barrel  
  
Fenix: No, no really. We're not going to enjoy this are we?  
  
CRASH  
  
Duke: Walks past Tassedar, along with Fenix, with barrels over their heads Ummm, excuse us, umm pardon  
  
Zaratul: Hmm, well, that didn't work... Turns back to Bob Ok, hold onto your Zerg feathers, because now your really gonna see something!!!  
  
Begins doing fancy rope work, and cloaks, and uncloaks Oh, haha   
  
Gets tangled up in his own trick  
  
Evil Bob: Ha, yourself.  
  
)Back outside(  
  
Duke: Ready, pull, pull, pull falls backwards with barrel  
  
Fenix: thanks for uncorking meLooks back into barrel Though I kind  
  
of liked it in there...  
  
Zaratul: Shoots out of swinging doors, like a yo-yo tied to the rope  
  
OH, hey, now wait a minute, you can't do this, stop that now Goes back inside Comes back out, still like a yo-yo Come on, HELP!!!  
  
Raynor: This is, t-t-terrible...  
  
Fenix: Could be worse.  
  
Raynor: Gets grabbed by Bob EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  
  
Fenix: See?  
  
Evil Bob, inside: Hey, boys, looked who just dropped in, ahhahahaha.  
  
Raynor, inside: Oh, d-d-d-dear...  
  
NEXT CHAPTER OUT SOON, REVIEW DARN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	3. Chapter 3

Hey, long time, no wirting... Yeah... Alright, HERE WE GO!  
  
============  
  
Book-Master: And now, another word from our sponsers...  
  
###  
  
)Corny background music starts playing(  
  
Announcer: Hello, everyone, this time we're...   
  
)Women's scream sounds(  
  
)Gun shots, explosions, and screams resound in the scene and the announcer is torn to shreds by a near-invisible force of stampeding squirls!(  
  
###  
  
Book-Master: --.... Forget this, ON WITH THE SHOW!  
  
###  
  
)Scene is in the Saloon. Saloon style music plays. Scene opens with Zaretul and Tassadar tied and being pullied up to hang helpless from the tusks of an Ultralisk head on the wall by an ambitious Zerg-thief.  
  
Raynor sits dumbfounded on the bar with Evil Bob standing next to him(  
  
Zerg theif 1: Walks back to card table and picks up hand Got any threes?  
  
Zerg this 2: Go fish.  
  
Zerg thief 1: WHAT!?????  
  
)Fighting and slashing sounds ensue, followed by screaches of pain and agony as players fight over something(  
  
Evil Bob: Hey, Marshall, it's trouncin' time...  
  
Masked Man: Freeze! comes through swinging doors Uh, if you please.  
  
)INspiring drama music plays in background(  
  
Maked Man: Jumps up on bar infront of Raynor and Evil Bob Ahah!  
  
Evil Bob: o.O What are you?  
  
Maked Man: I am dramatic pause the Masked Man. And this is my faithful steed.  
  
Faithful steed: Walks slowly past in a rather bored type fo way Hello.  
  
Evil Bob: You... are gonna' try an' trounce me? Whatcha' got in there for brains?  
  
Masked Man: Jello, some say...  
  
Evil Bob: Gets evil look You better reach for it, fur face. draws a large water pistol and an icecream carton I got me a gun ov' ice cream, and I'm not afraid to use it.  
  
)Zerg-thieves suddenly split for cover, The Masked Man, after realizing he had indeed forgotten to shave that morning, picks up another waterpistol lying near-bye and spins it around... then dropping it.(  
  
)Masked Man bends over to pick it up, and just misses getting hit by Evil Bob's scoop. Evil Bob gets a hideous grin on hsi face and reloads, this time hitting the piano nearby.(  
  
)Piano starts playing on its own some more tacky music for theme songs or something... DuGalle and Stukov pop out the top and begin singing with their banjo and chello(  
  
DuGalle&Stukov: The fearless man that wares the mask has never run from any task...  
  
)Masked Man continues to run behind evcery availible cover(  
  
DuGalle&Stukov:...and with his trusty faithfull steed, he battle son to victorty! Masked Man slams into piano while fireing over his back during his flight and sends the piano bouncing off the wall and back into place   
  
Stukov: HEY, watch where you're goin', sonny!  
  
DuGalle: I say, HOW RUDE!  
  
DuGalle&Stukov: He battles on to victory!  
  
Masked Man: Tips hat off, but then takes cover behind piano and continues fireing at Evil Bob  
  
DuGalle&Stukov: You see, he has a clever plan to beat that Evil Bob! He's here to tame the wild frontier, he'll do it like a slob!  
  
Masked Man: Suddenly realizing he's out of ice cream Oh, bother...  
  
)Music reaches climax(  
  
DuGalle&Stukov: And we're right here to back him up, this is always known! Masked Man shows them he's out of ice cream He can always count on us... Evil Bob laughs evily Unnnnnnless we GOTTA GO! Vanish  
  
Evil Bob: NOW I gotcha'! Pumps gun to full preasure  
  
Masked Man: Walking backwards, trips over chair as stream of icecream comes twowards him, bouncing off chari, then teh ceiling, and then hitting the piano.  
  
Evil Bob: Uh-oh... Is hit by music roll popping into him, and is sent sailing outside into the horse troff  
  
)Zerg-thieves gather 'round(  
  
Zerg thieves: Ooooooooooooo...  
  
Raynor: Go on. Go on, shoo!  
  
)Zerg thieves get look of terror, then leave a trail of dust running out of town(  
  
Zaretul: hahaha! Now that's what I call lawkeepin'!  
  
Raynor: Embarresed Oh, well, I couldn't of done it without the Masked Man and his Faithfull, uh... steed?  
  
Tassadar: Why they're... they're gone!  
  
Raynor: Oh, who was that Masked Man?  
  
)Scene changes to cliff above town where we see Masked Man and Faithfull steed. Whip cracks with dramtic music(  
  
Masked Man: HIHO, Fenix! AWAY! Falls off back OH, bother...  
  
)Back in town(  
  
Evil Bob: Leans against side of water troff I'm gonna have to do somethin' about that "Masked Man"...  
  
===========  
  
Read and Review, people! 


	4. Chapter 4

Hehehehehe... we're reachign the end, don't worry.  
  
=========================================  
  
Book-Master: Alright, INTERMISSION! THis is the part where I come out and answer your questions. So any questions?  
  
)Silence(  
  
Book-Master; Oh, come on! questions?  
  
)Silence(  
  
Audience Member 1: If we leave now, do we get a refund?  
  
Book-Master: NO! I  
  
Audience Member: Rats...  
  
Book-Master: Alright, we'll let some of the actors talk. But first, I just weant to say that that last scene with Eivl bob probaly should have been cut. You know, we were really worried origanaly... but now I think we're all happy, it adds a little flavour I think.  
  
Tassadar: Atleast mine were better visualy!  
  
Duke: Atleast mine were committed, they wern't a string of pushy jokes!  
  
Duran in audience: Get on with it...  
  
Kerrigen in audience: Yes, GET ON WITH IT!  
  
Whole Audience: -- YES, GET ON WITH IT!!!!!!!!!  
  
Book-Master: Man, i'm certianly enjoying THIS scene...  
  
Oovermind from heave...(or hell): GET ON WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
)Entire audience trembles with fear(  
  
Book-Master: Sigh Alright, back to the show!  
  
###  
  
)Scene shows Raynor polishing his badge and flexing his muscles infront of a porch mirror at the office, Duke and the others are sweeping around the streets nearby(  
  
Raynor: Duke, waht are you doing?  
  
Duke: According to the play, it is the job of the Marshall to clena up the town. Um, we're helping...  
  
Zaretul: COughing from dust I'll bet that Masked Man and his Faithfull steed ain't sweepin' no sidewalks.  
  
Fenix: Eye roll I'm not so sure...  
  
Raynor: You know, once you get used to it, this Marshall job isn't really so bad.  
  
Tassadar: Eye roll Suuuurree, as long as the "Masked Man's: around.  
  
Raynor: With admiration Ah, the Masked Man.  
  
)Evil Bob rushed up dressed as a telegram delivery person, startling Raynor and cause shim to jump onto Tassadar(  
  
Evil Bob (as telegram boy): Telegram for the "Masked Man", TELEGRAM for the "Masked Man"!  
  
)Raynor jumps off of Tassadar and looks hseepish(  
  
Duke: Not sure what to say The Masked Man... uhhh, isn't present, presently... But we'll be happy to tell him. Um, when we see him.  
  
Evil Bob (as telegram boy): Okie dokie. It says: "HHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
)Scream startles Raynor so much he runs into the office, past the desk, into the cell, slams the door shut, and hides under the bed(  
  
Tassadar: Looking in after him Hmph. Some Marshall.  
  
Zaretul: Eye roll Oh, I better go get him out... Grabs keys and heads for cell  
  
Duke: Watching to make sure no ones listening Fenix, i believe this is a job for... The Masked Man! Oh, and his Faithfull Steed.  
  
Fenix: If you say so...  
  
Duke: Turning to Tassadar Which reminds me... Fenix and I have to go ummm... FInd some coffee!  
  
Tassadar: Sighs disgustidly How can you think of coffee at a time like this!?  
  
Duke: I practice.  
  
###  
  
)Duke and Fenix head for the outhouse out back. Duke creeps to each cover-place, while Fenix just wlaks rigt up. Upon reaching the outhosue, Duke slips in and yanks Fenix in with him. With a dramatic chourus rising with each second, the two emerge a few seconds alter as the Masked Man and his Faithfull Steed(  
  
Masked Man: AHAH!  
  
Evil Bob: Tosses net onto them Ahah yourself. Laughs evily  
  
###  
  
)Scene shows Zaretul struggling to unloose Raynor from cell bars.(  
  
Zaretul: Come on, Raynor. This is embaresing! Manages to yank him off, throwing them both back against the opposite wall See, now that wasn't so bad was it?  
  
)Horse shoe flys through window, followed by a groan from Tassadar(  
  
Zaretul: Waht was that?  
  
Tassadar: It's for you... Hands horse shoe with note from atop his head  
  
Raynor: Oh, there's a note.  
  
Zaretul: Grabs note, unfolds and looks at it Well, haha, this is easy, why anyoen could... uh... oh... BOOK-MASTER!  
  
Book-Master: Falls from celiing rafters onto stage, get's up quickly and walks over Yes?  
  
Raynor: Uh, could you read this to us please?  
  
Book-Master: Reads note It's to Raynor, and it says: Dear...  
  
Stukov&DuGalle: MARSHALL!  
  
)Heavy dramtic music starts playing with Stukov&DuGalle singing(  
  
Stukov&DuGalle: Be on the street at sundown!  
  
)Scene changes to sundown, at an abandoned mine outside of town(  
  
Stukov&DuGalle: We're gonna' have, a showdown.  
  
)Inside, the scene shows Evil Bob standing over the Masked Mand and his Faithfull Steed tied up and in a mining car(  
  
Stukov: The masked Man!  
  
Fenix: And his faithfull steed...  
  
Stukov: Are all tied up and can't be freed!  
  
DuGalle: So come, prepare to meet your fate!  
  
Evil Bob: Sincierly Bob... AND DON'T BE LATE!  
  
)Music ends with Evil Bobs words on a dramtic chourus union(  
  
============  
  
LAST CHAPTER SOON! R/R!!! 


End file.
